IF you don't already know, Pokemon Go! is a game that encourages people to get up, get out, and get something. That something, up until now, was a digital representation of what the enola gay did to zoos in japan. Now that something is exercise. and it's pissing me off.
I get recognized and compensated for being above average looking and my public speaking abilities. pokemon is fucking that right up. Real talk, the last thing I need is people raising the bar. I operate at a cool 45% on a good day. my success is contingent on people being lazy and relying on me to relate dope stuff to them. i feel like i'm being rendered obsolete. that's why i'm planning on starting a petition to raise the price of battery packs. That way, when folks phone's die, they'll be forced to make up a real excuse for why they didn't come to my show.
seriously, what the hell am i supposed to do? instead of acquaintances blowing me off when i want to work out, i look like a loser for exercising inside with house music and almonds. i don't know if i can live in this world. i thought house music and almonds was the apex of cool. now this nigga machamp is all up in my road with no victory.
on top of that, do you know how many times i got called a faggot and still played my game? i was in fourth grade when the shit first hit america. now? now it's cool. fuck y'all and the gym badges you rode in with. I got actual scars from this game, and not because i was walking through bushes or into traffic. back then, we had real problems. There was no implied fat shaming or introverts in the fourth grade. all we had in '99 was patent homophobia, holographic cards, and lunch money.
dead ass. pokemon had me going down the wrong path as a young and thugging pokemon trainer. i'm straight up out the slums of palette town, niggas. what do you know about selling ass down by the beach on cinnabar island? huh? i had an addiction to escape ropes so bad that i was a lot lizard at the flying j on victory road. all of this came to a head when i bit off more that i can chew and i took on the elite four. they were not gentle. they gave me everything they had.
^^^This is Where i used to sell my tickets to the s.s. anne, is outlined in silver. this whole situation is bringing up bad memories for. i dislike that anyone feels happier because of this.
Randall 'Crabmeat' Thompson is a stand up comedian based out of Las Vegas, NV. He dreamed a dream of time gone by.